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The Druselsteinian Earthquake
This is a delayed Season 1 episode of Carl's Pop Song Reviews. Because of a devasting earthquake in Druselstein, the P&F characters and the wikia contributors gather together to sing a song about raising money for the earthquake. The song is called "We Are The World 25 for Druselstein". There is a LOT wrong with this song, according to Carl. Memorable Quotes Carl: Now one thing you could say about the original, it had star power, like Zanzibar and Love Handel. And for this version, we have all the greatest pop stars like Jeremy Johnson. Annotation: Nope. Carl: Lady Suzy. Annotation: No show. Carl: Jenny. Annotation: Uh-uh. Carl: Al-Z. Annotation: Sorry. Carl: Mindy. Annotation: Was gonna come, but got distracted by a butterfly. Carl: (uncertainly) Lil Jeet? Annotation: Yes, actually. Carl: (sarcastically) Oh good, at least we have that! Cause when I think of charity and good will, I think of Lil Jeet. Baljeet: (rapping) I transform smaller and she puts me in her pants... Carl: I'll admit, we actually do have a few real celebrities on here, we've got Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, Coltrane, Phineas Flynn, but still, this is incredibly shocking in lack of big names. When you heard that there was a new "We Are The World", would the first people you would expect be Lindana, Max Modem, and Major Monogram!? (sarcastically) Cause everyone knows that you can't have a song team-up without Major Monogram. (shows Eliza Fletcher singing) Who's this? You tell me. I have NO IDEA who this is. Carl: You can tell, this is going to be the most misguided, stillborne excuse of a song that I've ever heard. They have to figure out the person who should start off the song, their first impression onto the world to save ORPHANED CHILDREN, and the best they can come up with is (in an angry voice) Ferb Fletcher. Ferb: There comes a time, where we hear a certain call... Carl: I want to give this kid a swirly every time I see him, I swear to God. (screen shows Buford singing) Carl: Seeing Buford on a charity single really DOES strike an odd note. Because when I see Buford on a charity single, I don't think Druselstein. I think Phineas Flynn and Baljeet Tjinder. Crowd of People: (singing in an choir) I'M (bleep)ING BALJEET! Carl: Admit it, you're thinking this, too. This is the problem with a "We Are The World" remake in 2010. We have spent over two decades making fun of this that now it's on-it's-face RIDICULOUS! We've been laughing at this song for so long, it doesn't even classify as a real song. It's just a joke. And for the record, Buford sounded a lot more passionate about Baljeet than he does about Druselstein. Buford: (on "We Are The World") Pretending day by day... (on Baljeet's passionate love for Albert) (bleep) BALJEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Carl: Now, one interesting thing is usually, they pick a singer that matches up with a singer of the past so you can see which 2010 singer portrayed an 80's singer. So our Cyndi Lauper is Adyson Sweetwater. And our Bruce Springteen is a deranged, off-his-meds Heinz Doofenshmirtz. Heinz: (scream-singing) Wir sind die welllllllllllllllllllt.... Annotation: LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Carl: And our Bob Dylan is Lil Jeet (screen shows Baljeet singing with Autotune) Annotation: Lil Jeet has officially collaborated with everyone. Carl: My favorite part is the second chorus, where we go from quick procession into LOVE HANDEL! (screen shows Love Handel singing) MAX MODEM! (screen shows Lawrence singing) ZANZIBAR! (screen shows Zanzibar singing) And it's all so glorious! Now compare that to the new version where we go from Lindana, who just sounds awful. Linda: It's true we make a better day, just you and me... Carl: And then we go straight into Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, sounding more ear-bleedingly sharp than ever. Isabella: Then one day... Carl: (sighs in an annoyed way) And then that's immediately followed by the worst Django Brown performance I've ever heard. Django: So their cries for help will not be in vain.... Carl: (angrily) Look, the world got sick of your no-personality-artist shtick a long time ago. Go away, get a new hobby, you quivering loser! Coltrane, Phineas, and Irving: (rapping) We all need somebody that we can lean on.... Carl: Also, because most of our pop stars are rappers, we have to find a way to include them, too, and it's one of the most awkward and stupid things I've ever heard. I find it hard to be in the giving mood listening to Lil Jeet and Phinny Boy! Annotation: We tha world, mutha(bleep). Carl: (while the screen shows everyone singing) One way that the remake holds up to the original is.....whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa, wait, is that BOBBI FABULOUS!? (a screen of Bobbi standing between Phineas and Candace pops up) Wow......not even the most fabulous man in the world can save this song. Bobbi: B to the O-R-I-N-G! Carl: Anyway, one way that the remake holds up to the original is that it's a billion times long. When it finally ends, some other country will need our help, and it just goes on (plays the song in slow motion) and on and ON. Heinz: (screams in German) Carl: Okay, for real, is Heinz okay? Can someone go check on him? Carl: And in the spirit of grotesque egoism, we finish this off, fittingly, with Coltrane. Coltrane: (rapping) Everyday citizens, watch us as we pitchin' in... Everyone else: (singing) Wir sind die welt.... Heinz: WIR SIND DIE WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLT! Annotation: Seriously, WTF? Why didn't anyone stop him!? Coltrane: (rapping) You and I, you and I, uh, twelve days, no water, where you gonna live... Annotation: Coltrane sez: I am the world. Carl: The proceeds of "We Are The World" are going to charities that will help Druselstein. So I'm going to ask you a good favor. Donate to Druselstein BY ANY OTHER MEANS THAN BUYING THIS SONG! That way, you do two good deeds. One, you help out a little, and two, you prevent music like this from ever being made again. Vanessa: (in a deadpan voice) Wow. Carl: Wow is right, Vanessa. (episode ends) Trivia *The Druselstenian earthquake is like the Haiti/Japan earthquake. *The Buford/Baljeet thing is a joke meant for making fun of "We Are The World". Outside the P&F world, a parody like this exisied *Also in the real world, Lady Gaga (Suzy in this) was asked to participate, but she declined. People assumed that Taylor Swift (Mindy) wouldn't feel comfortable being in a room with Kanye West (Coltrane) because of the "Beyonce had the best video thing", so that was their explanation of why Taylor Swift wasn't on this *The creator thought this song was nice when she heard in on the radio, but when she saw a video on youtube to match the voices to the faces, she thought some of the choices on this song were very disappointing Category:Stories by Tpffan5196 Category:Fanon Works Category:Fan-Fiction Episodes Category:Community Articles Category:Heinz Doofenshmirtz Category:Reviews